“counselors of the lonley”

my brain is in shutdown mode now. feels nice. time to sleep the fuck away

"Yesturday, all my troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as though theyre here to stay, Oh, I beleive in yesturday. Yesturday love was such an easy game to play, now I need a place to hide away, Oh, I beleive in yesturday."

— The Beatles

It’s a sick feeling in your chest, attached to you and so hard to rip out. Sometimes it seems easy but only for temporary. Sometimes its worse sometimes its better. Hope to get out of this blackhole and enjoy the beauty around me. April 28, 10:16 pm

Looking back to the past 2 weeks or so Ive actually been feeling better, thinking less about the upsetting things. Kind of more calm and at peace with myself. However.. I moved in back with mom today and I just dont feel right, nothing to do with her its just that I get attached to the places and enviroments I live in and I feel this lonliness when I move, same story with people.. its the worst. Oh shit going back to school today.  April 18. 12:19 am

I was once free. I was once Maria. I don’t know what I am now. Im not me and its hard to change it. Really hard. Im just a glum chum. April 4. 7:47 pm

"he hangs around coffee shops with the other aliens ……lol"

"death breath"

Day after day. Same shit, same shit, same motherfuckin shit. Why do I care so much.. fuck i just want to go into this never ending numbness. A place calm with no worries. Maybe I need to stop drinking before it gets completely out of hand. March 24, 8:59 pm

The sound of church bells.  uh

Had an accident last week in downtown, but im ok. Also trying to be productive, thats what I say everyday but things just keep holding me back. 90% of which is usless/stupid worries. I want to be productive, organized and pretty. I mean atleast I have a goal, somewhat. Going to school soon, see how that goes lol…. still think of you often, ciao. March, 21. 7:00 pm

I was feeling upset this morning and was thinking about how I overthink and also let things hold me back. I thought maybe how I see certain things isnt the way it actually is bc I always overthink and judge..Strange enough the same day I remembered that I was dreaming about dragonflies and out of curiousity researched what that meant. What is said was “To dream of a dragonfly means change and regeneration, it also means that things may not always appear as they seem”. Strange lol but not bad! March 15, 2:02 am

It’s almost 5 in the morning and I haven’t even closed my eyes. Just like the nights we had before. Wandering the city, up in the clouds and laying in bed and so much more. Feels so long ago, yet so near. Nostalgia is getting the best of me. “There is no greater sorrow than to recall a happy time when miserable” - Dante Alighieri Goodnight xo